Thursday, December 22, 2011

Rock and a Hard Place

Tell me if you can’t relate to this: You walk at a quick pace to your latrine, with your toilet paper in one hand, flashlight in the other, with one objective in mind; however, after your arrival and proper positioning in a nice athletic stance (knees bent, butt down, head up), you see a spider the size of a silver dollar (not including the legs in this scientific measurement) dangling overhead. What do you do? Simple, you spring out of your stance and get a stick. The preferred stick should be without spines, the diameter of your pinky finger, and about a meter long. Armed with said stick, you herd the spider out of the latrine, or to a flat surface (where it can be quickly disposed of). But what do you do if your herding stick, is a fourth the diameter of the preferred stick, has spines, is maybe a foot long, and as you attempt to “herd” the spider, the weight of the spider is enough to fling it into the air, out of sight, but definitely somewhere still in the latrine. This is the rock and hard place.

My choice here is the rock. Walk away and try again another day.

…But let me tell you, there is nothing less satisfying than walking back to your room in the dark with your toilet paper tucked under your arm, flashlight in your teeth, flailing your arms at imaginary spiders because you have that creepy crawly feeling of something being on you. The worse part of it all is, knowing you didn’t complete your mission. Peaks and valleys, strikes and gutters, brown trout and whitefish.